Skip to main content

Comment Wall

 

(source: Welcome Lettering Typography)

This is the comment wall for my storybook!

Comments

  1. Hi Zeeshawn!
    You've got a nice and interesting storybook concept!
    Sea monsters was actually one of the topics I had initially been considering myself :)
    You might try playing around with some ways to make your site stand out a bit, maybe try out some different theme options and color palettes, it can really add to the site!
    As an additional note, you might want to play around with the font to pick a larger font with better spacing. The one you have now is quite small, and the spaces between letters can be really small.
    Your introduction is a solid start, but it could probably use a solid editing pass to clean up some errors.
    Here's a couple I spotted:
    You've got a couple missing question marks, so you might want to double check your punctuation to make sure you have the right ones.
    'passerby's' should be 'passersby'
    You referred to Apep as both a 'he' and an 'it', you should make that consistent
    (There are others, I'd give it a run-through of reading it aloud, maybe to someone else, to see their thoughts too, it'll likely help a lot!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zeeshawn, I'm excited to see how your stories turn out! I'm always a fan of original stories being twisted around where the villain, or sea monsters and serpents in this case, end up winning! I believe you already have a solid base for what you're going to do! On that note, I agree with CJ that you need to go back through and do a bit of editing for some extra words you have that you might have glossed over initially. Likewise, if you're up for it, maybe you could make a list of the sea monsters/serpents you specifically plan on looking at? Maybe there's a few specific regions you plan to look at in terms of mythology? That way you'll know where you want to focus, but likewise your readers will be on the same page as you! That said, I'm excited to read your stories; I'm a fan of creature features, so I'm ready.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Zeeshawn, I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I thought it was very well written and very easy to follow along. I like the concept of good vs. evil that you’re writing about. I agree that it would be very interesting to read/see what would happen if the “good guy” didn’t win and if the evil monster/human won the battle. I think that would completely change the film industry if stories were written in that manner. I think everyone wants to see good triumph over evil, like you said. I am really excited to see the stories you produce after reading this introduction. I’m also terrified of what could potentially be lurking in the deep depths of the ocean, so the potential of sea monsters makes it even more terrifying! Also, snakes freak me out pretty too, so I’m interested to read your future stories about them. Good work Zeeshawn!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Zeeshawn, your storybook project sounds unique and really fun to tell stories from the serpents’ side! Personally, I have not read much, if any, mythologies and folklores about serpents and sea monsters, so your storybook will be an introduction to such creatures for me. I think exploring their origin stories and why they were feared will allow you to be very creative because the stories can be written in different directions--however you want! So, I’m looking forward to how you rewrite their stories. I’m not sure if the characters you mentioned will be in your final stories, but you could give some more details about them so readers can understand them a little better! Are you going to have your stories connect? I think a fun option would be if somehow the evil serpents and sea monsters teamed up for a legendary battle in the end. Either way, the stories of these creatures sounds like an awesome idea!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Zeeshawn! Your storybook project title grabbed my attention right away! Ever since I was a kid, I have always been interested at what is at the bottom of the sea. What has not been discovered yet is both terrifying, yet fascinating! Your project introduction laid out your stories very well as has set the scene perfectly. Are you going to make each story about a different sea monster/creature? I think it could also be interesting to include a story about mermaids. From research I have done in the past, mermaids are depicted as these beautiful creatures in movies, but discoveries of them are these ugly and scary sea creatures. Will the characters in your stories connect in any way? Also, my final suggestion is to include an author's note so we as readers can learn as to where your inspiration came from! And play around with lengthening your introduction. Add more images, add more examples, or even a sneak peak from your story. Try quotes! Overall, great job!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Zeeshawn, I love the idea for your storybook. Sea monsters and serpents are a staple in almost every vein of mythology, so you should have plenty of content to draw from. It's always fun to delve into "hypothetical history," or the "what would have happened if..." train of thought. The only mythological story I could think of off the top of my head where a serpent does win, is the Garden of Eden. And we all know how that turned out. It seems that when snakes or sea monsters are involved, the stakes are very high. I'm excited to see what you come up with! That being said, I think that since you have such an exciting topic you could use more exciting images on your website. If you want the images to be more subdued to keep the focus on the writing, that's ok too. But I think you have a topic where you could really have fun with the visuals of your storybook.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Zeeshawn,

    Awesome idea for the storybook! I almost did something with sea creatures, but I changed my project at the last minute. I'll have to come back to this storybook to get my fix of sea monsters. I liked the title page, but I think maybe it would look better if you make the cover page a bit bigger? It's on the smaller setting, so the monsters head is cut off. If you made it the larger option, it would make it easier to see. I also think you should use different images for each page. There are tons of cool images of sea monsters, so it would be cool to see more of them on your site.
    Your intro seems to list the type of monster that will appear! I'm most excited to see the one about Drakon Hesperios!
    What if you added a little bit more to the end of your introduction? It ends a bit randomly, so what if you added just a sentence or two after you talk about the final monster? Kind of like a conclusion. Like, "during this storybook, these questions will be explored" or "we'll explore the dark monsters of the sea". Lol those are lame, but I hope you get my idea. Good luck with the stories!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Zeeshawn,

    I love the idea of the serpents winning. I agree that there is such a negative connotation about serpents. It is interesting that they would be the ones winning and are not bad. I like how you are taking a different perspective on the serpents and how maybe there is a reason why we have this negative perception about them. Maybe there was another factor that is occurring simultaneously that made them look bad. I like the empathy you show for these serpents.

    What if you added more to the background. I think it would be cool to see maybe a pop of color or could change the words to white and background to black to make it more ominous if that is the vibe you want. I think it could be cool to add a more scary image of a serpent on the banner

    Overall, great idea! I am very excited to read your story. Great start!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you've picked a really interesting topic and so far you have done an excellent job of writing about it! The first 2 paragraphs in Apep are really well written. It was easy to visualize the time period. Letting the "bad guy" win is always such a fun way to spin a story. You get to decide why and how he wins and the aftermath! At first, I wish you would've included just a few more sentences/details about the priests waking up and wishing for the sun. But then I read your author's note and I understand why you left it how it is. You wanted us to fill in the gaps since the outcome would be so brutal. I think adding a little bit of character to your site could also be helpful. Since it is the "bad guy" winning, having a dark ominous theme would go along with it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Zeeshawn!

    I like your storybook concept - sometimes it is great to turn the stories on their heads and have an unexpected ending! I'd love to maybe see some more images of sea monsters throughout the storybook if you can find some. Maybe consider a slideshow on the intro page or add an Apep specific image on that story page? Your cliffhanger ending on your Apep story is quite ominous. I appreciate you explaining that in the author's note! If you decide to add anything to the story, I'd love to know what another person, maybe just an average person, thought that first morning as the sun didn't rise.

    I can't wait to see what other stories you tell in your storybook. I saw the mention of Drakon in the introduction, so that is one to look forward to! Do you have any other stories in mind to tell?
    I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
    -Eli

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Zeeshawn, this is a fantastic concept to work with. I never gave it much thought but there are serpents and sea monsters in a lot of the myths in so many different cultures. Right away with your homepage image, I was drawn in. The introduction was constructed well and I think you did a great job of covering exactly what the storybook is about and how you came up with the concept. I like that each story that was chosen had its own blurb so there is information but not too much so that the reader stays interested. I had not read this story before but I do think the title fit very well and I understand why you would have to cut parts of the story out. As a reader I did not notice any missing information so it didn't feel like it was missing anything. Your authors note was helpful in giving background info for the story so even though I had not read it, I can see what changes you made.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introduction to Zeeshawn Beg

Hi!
I'm Zeeshawn, a Microbiology major, med school hopeful, and computer enthusiast. I was born in Pakistan and my family immigrated to Oklahoma when I was just a couple months old. I still love to watch cricket. I can't see it live though because of the time zones it's always early in the morning. 
("Wahab Stuns Hosts! | England vs Pakistan Match Highlights | ICC Cricket World Cup 2019" at youtube)
One of my favorite classes has been Chinese Literature. I had never really learned much about Chinese history, so this class really opened my eyes and helped me understand recent history. The book/story that affected me the most in that class was the Iron Child by Mo Yan. 
I've also been trying to learn to draw. The idea of being able to create something has really motivated me and especially being able to see great art anytime on the internet has helped fuel this. I've been using drawabox to learn the fundamentals and I feel like I've made some progress. I…

Week 2 Story: Entrapment

(source: The Trapped Tiger by Snehil Singh) Once upon a time, there was a poor Brahman walking through the forest. He happened upon a tiger caught in a hunter’s cage.“Let me out of this cage, oh pious one!” cried the tiger.
“Nah you’ll probably eat me if I do” remarked the Brahman, “How could I trust you to do anything else?”
“No!” bellowed the tiger swearing oaths the Brahman had not even heard of, “I will serve as your slave and always be by your side!”
The Brahman’s mind raced.
“A tiger slave? But how can I trust him? But tigers are pretty cool. And I might be able get some fame and fortune. Who wouldn’t come to see a man and his slave tiger,” He thought. 
He said to the tiger, “Ok, I will free you,” and after some trouble he released the tiger from its imprisonment. It leapt upon him and said.
“You fool, how could you be so naive as I’ve been for so long and worked up quite an appetite. How did you even plan to subdue me into beijing your slave?”
The Brahman said, “ My disappointment is i…

Week 2 Reading Overview

Choose from CLASSICAL and/or BIBLICAL units for Weeks 3 and 4.

Week 3: Illiad

Week 4: Aesop(Jacobs)

Choose from MIDDLE EASTERN and/or INDIAN units for Weeks 5 and 6.

Week 5: Ancient Egypt

Week 6: Arabian Nights

Choose from ASIAN and/or AFRICAN units for Weeks 7 and 9. [Week 8 is review week.]

Week 7: South Africa

Week 9: The Monkey King

Choose from NATIVE AMERICAN units for Weeks 10 and 11.

Week 10: Hero Tales

Week 11: Great Plains

Choose from BRITISH and/or CELTIC units for Weeks 12 and 13.

Week 12: King Arthur

Week 13: Robin Hood

Choose from EUROPEAN units for Weeks 14 and 15.

Week 14: Russian

Week 15: Inferno
(Books Flat Icon Vector, source) I'm excited for these readings especially for the Native American unit. I've take a Native American music class and I had a lot of fun learning about the cultural importance of song and dance. Most of the other stories I chose are things I've heard about through pop culture and other references but never actually read.