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(source: Welcome Lettering Typography)

This is the comment wall for my storybook!

Comments

  1. Hi Zeeshawn!
    You've got a nice and interesting storybook concept!
    Sea monsters was actually one of the topics I had initially been considering myself :)
    You might try playing around with some ways to make your site stand out a bit, maybe try out some different theme options and color palettes, it can really add to the site!
    As an additional note, you might want to play around with the font to pick a larger font with better spacing. The one you have now is quite small, and the spaces between letters can be really small.
    Your introduction is a solid start, but it could probably use a solid editing pass to clean up some errors.
    Here's a couple I spotted:
    You've got a couple missing question marks, so you might want to double check your punctuation to make sure you have the right ones.
    'passerby's' should be 'passersby'
    You referred to Apep as both a 'he' and an 'it', you should make that consistent
    (There are others, I'd give it a run-through of reading it aloud, maybe to someone else, to see their thoughts too, it'll likely help a lot!)

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  2. Zeeshawn, I'm excited to see how your stories turn out! I'm always a fan of original stories being twisted around where the villain, or sea monsters and serpents in this case, end up winning! I believe you already have a solid base for what you're going to do! On that note, I agree with CJ that you need to go back through and do a bit of editing for some extra words you have that you might have glossed over initially. Likewise, if you're up for it, maybe you could make a list of the sea monsters/serpents you specifically plan on looking at? Maybe there's a few specific regions you plan to look at in terms of mythology? That way you'll know where you want to focus, but likewise your readers will be on the same page as you! That said, I'm excited to read your stories; I'm a fan of creature features, so I'm ready.

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  3. Hey Zeeshawn, I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I thought it was very well written and very easy to follow along. I like the concept of good vs. evil that you’re writing about. I agree that it would be very interesting to read/see what would happen if the “good guy” didn’t win and if the evil monster/human won the battle. I think that would completely change the film industry if stories were written in that manner. I think everyone wants to see good triumph over evil, like you said. I am really excited to see the stories you produce after reading this introduction. I’m also terrified of what could potentially be lurking in the deep depths of the ocean, so the potential of sea monsters makes it even more terrifying! Also, snakes freak me out pretty too, so I’m interested to read your future stories about them. Good work Zeeshawn!

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  4. Hi Zeeshawn, your storybook project sounds unique and really fun to tell stories from the serpents’ side! Personally, I have not read much, if any, mythologies and folklores about serpents and sea monsters, so your storybook will be an introduction to such creatures for me. I think exploring their origin stories and why they were feared will allow you to be very creative because the stories can be written in different directions--however you want! So, I’m looking forward to how you rewrite their stories. I’m not sure if the characters you mentioned will be in your final stories, but you could give some more details about them so readers can understand them a little better! Are you going to have your stories connect? I think a fun option would be if somehow the evil serpents and sea monsters teamed up for a legendary battle in the end. Either way, the stories of these creatures sounds like an awesome idea!

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  5. Hi Zeeshawn! Your storybook project title grabbed my attention right away! Ever since I was a kid, I have always been interested at what is at the bottom of the sea. What has not been discovered yet is both terrifying, yet fascinating! Your project introduction laid out your stories very well as has set the scene perfectly. Are you going to make each story about a different sea monster/creature? I think it could also be interesting to include a story about mermaids. From research I have done in the past, mermaids are depicted as these beautiful creatures in movies, but discoveries of them are these ugly and scary sea creatures. Will the characters in your stories connect in any way? Also, my final suggestion is to include an author's note so we as readers can learn as to where your inspiration came from! And play around with lengthening your introduction. Add more images, add more examples, or even a sneak peak from your story. Try quotes! Overall, great job!

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  6. Zeeshawn, I love the idea for your storybook. Sea monsters and serpents are a staple in almost every vein of mythology, so you should have plenty of content to draw from. It's always fun to delve into "hypothetical history," or the "what would have happened if..." train of thought. The only mythological story I could think of off the top of my head where a serpent does win, is the Garden of Eden. And we all know how that turned out. It seems that when snakes or sea monsters are involved, the stakes are very high. I'm excited to see what you come up with! That being said, I think that since you have such an exciting topic you could use more exciting images on your website. If you want the images to be more subdued to keep the focus on the writing, that's ok too. But I think you have a topic where you could really have fun with the visuals of your storybook.

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  7. Hi Zeeshawn,

    Awesome idea for the storybook! I almost did something with sea creatures, but I changed my project at the last minute. I'll have to come back to this storybook to get my fix of sea monsters. I liked the title page, but I think maybe it would look better if you make the cover page a bit bigger? It's on the smaller setting, so the monsters head is cut off. If you made it the larger option, it would make it easier to see. I also think you should use different images for each page. There are tons of cool images of sea monsters, so it would be cool to see more of them on your site.
    Your intro seems to list the type of monster that will appear! I'm most excited to see the one about Drakon Hesperios!
    What if you added a little bit more to the end of your introduction? It ends a bit randomly, so what if you added just a sentence or two after you talk about the final monster? Kind of like a conclusion. Like, "during this storybook, these questions will be explored" or "we'll explore the dark monsters of the sea". Lol those are lame, but I hope you get my idea. Good luck with the stories!

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  8. Hi Zeeshawn,

    I love the idea of the serpents winning. I agree that there is such a negative connotation about serpents. It is interesting that they would be the ones winning and are not bad. I like how you are taking a different perspective on the serpents and how maybe there is a reason why we have this negative perception about them. Maybe there was another factor that is occurring simultaneously that made them look bad. I like the empathy you show for these serpents.

    What if you added more to the background. I think it would be cool to see maybe a pop of color or could change the words to white and background to black to make it more ominous if that is the vibe you want. I think it could be cool to add a more scary image of a serpent on the banner

    Overall, great idea! I am very excited to read your story. Great start!

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  9. I think you've picked a really interesting topic and so far you have done an excellent job of writing about it! The first 2 paragraphs in Apep are really well written. It was easy to visualize the time period. Letting the "bad guy" win is always such a fun way to spin a story. You get to decide why and how he wins and the aftermath! At first, I wish you would've included just a few more sentences/details about the priests waking up and wishing for the sun. But then I read your author's note and I understand why you left it how it is. You wanted us to fill in the gaps since the outcome would be so brutal. I think adding a little bit of character to your site could also be helpful. Since it is the "bad guy" winning, having a dark ominous theme would go along with it.

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  10. Hi Zeeshawn!

    I like your storybook concept - sometimes it is great to turn the stories on their heads and have an unexpected ending! I'd love to maybe see some more images of sea monsters throughout the storybook if you can find some. Maybe consider a slideshow on the intro page or add an Apep specific image on that story page? Your cliffhanger ending on your Apep story is quite ominous. I appreciate you explaining that in the author's note! If you decide to add anything to the story, I'd love to know what another person, maybe just an average person, thought that first morning as the sun didn't rise.

    I can't wait to see what other stories you tell in your storybook. I saw the mention of Drakon in the introduction, so that is one to look forward to! Do you have any other stories in mind to tell?
    I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
    -Eli

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  11. Hi Zeeshawn, this is a fantastic concept to work with. I never gave it much thought but there are serpents and sea monsters in a lot of the myths in so many different cultures. Right away with your homepage image, I was drawn in. The introduction was constructed well and I think you did a great job of covering exactly what the storybook is about and how you came up with the concept. I like that each story that was chosen had its own blurb so there is information but not too much so that the reader stays interested. I had not read this story before but I do think the title fit very well and I understand why you would have to cut parts of the story out. As a reader I did not notice any missing information so it didn't feel like it was missing anything. Your authors note was helpful in giving background info for the story so even though I had not read it, I can see what changes you made.

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  12. Hey Zeeshawn! When I saw your story book was titled "Serpents and Sea Monsters" I was very excited to click on it and read it. I was expecting a blue/ocean themed website, but I was pleasantly surprised that you went with black and white. I think the dark will help enhance the fear that these monsters bring. As for your introduction, I thought it was laid out very well. I like how you brought up that serpents are always getting defeated, and you made me interested to see what that would look like if it were the other way around. I think you did a great job with your first story. I love how you changed the plot from the original and had Apep be smart enough to fool the sailors. You used descriptive words which really enhanced the story. Great job with your website so far, I look forward to reading more!

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  13. Hi Zeeshawn!
    I would say that I really enjoy reading your story! First of all, your title is attractive. Serpents and sea always represent mystery. So, even before I read your story, I thought that would never make me feel boring. About the contention, you do not set a specific ending but a blurry one. Leaving a space which allow readers to imagine the following plots.
    Besides, using images in our website would be a good strategy to improve the quality of the project. There are several images into your website which could help each reader to imagine some scenes and pictures in their minds. Your pictures' layout is very reasonable and comfortable for me, all these factors improve the read ability of the website.

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  14. Hi Zeeshawn!
    Your portfolio is really cool. I got the chance to check out all of your stories, as well as the images that go with them. I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into the creative images in your project. I like how you have added banner images as well, I think that adds a nice touch and looks really clean. I think it gives the reader a really good visual of what the story is going to be about.
    I also really like how your images encompass what your story is about, and are not just random stock photos, or the first picture you found on your google search. The pictures actually add and element to the story, instead of just being something random to look at.
    Great job!

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  15. Hi Zeeshawn,

    Overall, I'm very much interested in the storyline that you described in your introduction. I've always been interested in the concept of sea serpents, especially the common cryptid stories that I'm sure everyone has read about at least once in their lives. Something that was new to me, however, was how you said that each one of these monsters represented aspects such as evil, chaos, and disruption. This alone is why I find it so interesting that you flipped the stereotypical storyline around, making them the victors of the plot instead! I think that's a very creative idea.

    This comes especially interesting in your story of Apep and Ra, introducing them first as mortal enemies and how they would have epic nightly battles where, of course, Ra would come out on top. However, in the story that you depicted, it was exciting from the start to finish. Apep coming out on top on this one was especially satisfying as it was a switch in the storyline. I look forward to reading more from you!

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  16. Hi Zeeshawn!
    First of all, I love your idea for the storybook! I love water and sea creatures, and especially mythological ones! Do you think you will be writing about the sirens? Those stories are some of my favorites! I really like how in the story of Apep and Ra, the two main characters are both chasing victory over one another. I think you did a really good job rewriting this story! It was interesting to read and left me wanting more! I also really enjoyed your choice of words in your writing. I thought that it was very thought out and detailed and made me really visualize the story. Great job!

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  17. Hey Zeeshawn! I loved your storybook. I am a big fan of trying to explore the possibility that good doesn't win and that evil can be the dominating force. I think the ways you have switched the traditional narratives are not only entertaining, but slightly terrifying, so good job! I liked your introduction and the way you brought into question the idea that we have written off sea creatures as being completely mythical, but that they may have been real! I also enjoy the background you bring to the rest of your portfolio and prepare readers for the tales ahead. I also read "Apep: Enemy of Ra," and wow! I loved it. The idea that the good guys got cocky and believed they could not be defeated is something I think we overlook in classic stories of good versus evil, and something that needs to be explored. You did a good job with your structure, although I did notice a few places where there might be some grammatical errors. At any rate, you did a great job on this and I can't wait to read more!

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  18. Hi Zeeshawn,

    I love your storybook! I think the general premise is super creative and different than what a lot of people are doing. In terms of how you organize your paragraphs, I think you do a good job. Your stories' progression is easy to follow, as many of your paragraphs are similar in length and break up different topics within your stories. My only suggestion would be to separate your dialogue sections a little more from your descriptive paragraphs, just to highlight those sections a little more clearly. In terms of content, I like your stories a ton! I appreciate the omissions you made in your first story because, as you said, they probably would have introduced too much at once to the reader. I also like your use of vocabulary! I think you use a lot of unique words that fit in well with the style of your writing and the content of your stories. Great job!

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  19. Hey Zeeshawn, I really enjoyed reading your story “The Golden Apples”. I also really enjoyed looking through your storybook and seeing all of the different pictures that you have used throughout the storybook. I think my favorite one is the optical illusion image that you used in “The Golden Apples”. When I was reading the story, it caught me off guard, but I thought that it was a really creative touch for your storybook! I haven’t seen anyone else use one. I really like that you use very descriptive words and are able to explain everything in your story in a smooth manner. I thought that you transitioned from paragraph to paragraph very well and I thought that your story flowed along very good and was very easy to read. I think my favorite characters from your story are the nymphs. I wonder what causes them to act the way they do?

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